update in brief

I’d like to take a moment on our 2nd anniversary and close to 7th month of our son’s life to thank God, to praise Him, simply because He is worthy and I am so thankful! I can remember babysitting our flower girl, Ella, and her little brother, Evan—this before Derek and I began dating—and after a fun night of hide-and-seek, playing “tornado blanket” and freeze dance, I began frantically cleaning the kitchen—scraping macaroni and cheese bits off the floor, gathering sippy cups, folding up the drawing ella made for me and putting it in my purse—and I say frantically because we had had such a fun night I had completely left the chores for after bedtime. As I was doing dishes I had the radio playing and a country song about “the good things in life” came on. I stood at the sink right there, bowed my head, and asked God to bless me with a family, children, all the fun and responsibility…even the joys of scraping macaroni bits off the floor! It was one of those nights when I felt compelled to pray, to talk to God and say “God, this is my heart’s desire…this is what I long for and dream of…this is what I think of when I think about the richness and fullness of life, and I leave my request with you and trust you.” But essentially, I wasn’t asking simply for a family of my own but that He would bless me with “all the good things in life,” whatever that entailed...

There is something about seeing tiny shoes, diapers, formula caked on the wood, and baby blankets strewn about my house that fills my heart like no other; seeing those things are a constant reminder of the most precious things in life, those perfect gifts that God has given. Of course I didn’t know if God would answer that prayer the way I had hoped—that I would indeed be blessed with a family and children of my own blood—but I tell you, I knew God would answer that prayer and I knew He would answer it perfectly. I remember my confidence that night as I prayed. God’s great love in all its fullness is overwhelming. When I think what it is to be on the receiving end of even an inkling of His love, to ponder the meaning of Jesus’ sacrifice, his proof of his love, frankly, the thought draws me to my knees in honor, praise, and adoration to my Lord.

I love those moments…those moments in which nothing can eclipse the awe that I have. In realization I sat, knowing who I was, knowing who God was, and knowing I had nothing to fear because of who I was in relation to God. He who knows my innermost being promises to take care of my innermost longings…is He not worthy of my trust and devotion? There is no fear in that and for that I praise Him. I’ve had many terrible days but still can look up to the Lord and say “God you are worthy. You are worthy of all glory and honor because you alone are God." Even when I’m not feeling those feelings I can still accurately ascribe worth to God with full conviction. In fact, my praise is oft-expressed most powerfully when I’m miserable over some issue because that is when I feel the greatest need to connect with Him and that is when my faith is strengthened most. And I can do it genuinely and praise Him richly because of who He is. I love you Lord ♥