Satire

Current mood:

bORed and tired of waiting on Derek to fix his computer so he can email pics so I can update the blog. Came across a funny article imbued with hints* of irony =) I posted it and added an introduction. Perhaps my boredom will pass if I write a bit...

I am writing this blog out of compulsion to restate my pro-life views and yes, what I’m about to say may seem contradictory but I’m a big girl who can tuck tail and admit when I’ve committed an obvious mischaracterization: a fetus is no more a human being and deserves no more of a safe haven in the mother’s womb than a tape worm does. It’s patently obvious to me now and I blame it on conservative right wing ideologies who enticed me with their virtuous, infallible arguments and dragged me away under a ruse of morality when I was most gullible. I mean, it’s a fetus for crying out loud. The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals is in full agreement with my epiphany and I cannot believe I was against them in the beginning; adversity to popular theory is damaging and adversity to the court of law is tragic. I apologize for my misconstrued beliefs and would now like to share a piece that mirrors my thoughts on the matter taken from BLAME BUSH!:

"Yes, I know the fetus has cute little baby hands with cute little baby fingers and makes cute little baby noises, but that doesn't make it any more human than a baby-shaped intestinal parasite. Furthermore, I don't recall this fetus being born, nor have I read anything remotely hinting that the host organism wanted it to be. She could have been on her way to the abortion clinic for all we know. So lacking a physical birth or any sort of written documentation certifying an intent to carry the pregnancy to term, we must protect a Woman's Right to Choose and err on the side of inhumanity. It's a FETUS, and will remain one until the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals says otherwise.

Unfortunately, that could take years. The fetus could be well into high school before it is deemed "alive" and awarded full human rights. Not quite living, yet not quite dead, this veritible Schrodinger's Fetus would be subject to relentless harassment and teasing all through it's quasi-childhood.

I know, because I've been there. There was a little girl on my street who was born prematurely, her "mother" having died in a car accident on the way to the abortion clinic. "Frannie the Fetus" we'd call her. We'd chase her all the way to the bus stop in the morning, singing "Frannie the Fetus! Frannie the Fetus! Watch out she's gonna eat us!" until she broke down in tears. Then her old man called the gestapo on me and I spent my 28th birthday picking up trash off the side of the freeway. So I'm no stranger to suffering.

Sadly, no one understood the potential danger of a fetus allowed to roam free back then, and they sure as hell don't understand it now. I hear that the "father" has already claimed custody of the fetus and is going to selfishly raise it as if it were his "child", oblivious to the damage he's doing to the cause of reproductive freedom. As with the Laci Peterson case, the anti-choicers will use the fetus' humanlike characteristics to insinuate life where there is none, and chip away at a Woman's Right to Choose.

One can almost smell the smoke as the Bill of Rights burns."